1 00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:05,005 . 2 00:00:05,189 --> 00:00:07,007 - Welcome to "Sports Shouting!" 3 00:00:07,074 --> 00:00:08,458 The first round of NFL Hall of Fame voting 4 00:00:08,492 --> 00:00:09,877 starts this week. 5 00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:12,312 And I'm here with six of the loudest throats in football. 6 00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:14,181 Tom, you're on the selection committee. 7 00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:15,749 Who's getting in? Everyone, answers. 8 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,343 [overlapping shouting] 9 00:00:18,410 --> 00:00:19,953 - I would say Jerry Basmati, 10 00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:21,980 but I'm already in the Hall of Fame, baby. 11 00:00:22,014 --> 00:00:24,057 Pow, pow, life is good. 12 00:00:24,124 --> 00:00:26,093 [overlapping shouting] - It's not! It's pain! 13 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,395 Life is pain! [air horn blows] 14 00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:31,098 - Okay, let's take a call. You're on "Sports Shouting!" 15 00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:32,466 Who are you? Who do you like? 16 00:00:32,499 --> 00:00:34,484 - Hmm, caller first time, I am. 17 00:00:34,518 --> 00:00:37,571 Support Jets running back, Reggie Dinkins, I do. 18 00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,473 - We know it's you, Dinkins. Stop calling. 19 00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:41,174 - You're pathetic, Dinkins! 20 00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:42,809 - I told you Yoda wouldn't work. 21 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,836 - Who's Yoda? [shouting on television] 22 00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:47,714 What would it mean for me to be in the Hall of Fame? 23 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,150 Dude, that's why we're doing this whole documentary. 24 00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:52,252 - We've never gotten even one vote before, 25 00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:54,171 but this year feels different. 26 00:00:54,204 --> 00:00:55,489 We've got some good press. 27 00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:57,507 And Salami Joe's put the Reggie Dinkins 28 00:00:57,541 --> 00:00:59,059 back on the menu. 29 00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:01,520 - I want the world to see that my dad is a legend, 30 00:01:01,553 --> 00:01:04,865 so I'm trying to get 31 00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:07,868 Oh, my God, it's working. - Oh. 32 00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:11,505 - Wait, that's not about Reggie Dinkins. 33 00:01:11,538 --> 00:01:13,006 - As many as seven in ten seniors 34 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,541 may suffer from rectal dementia. 35 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:16,510 - Nope. What do you got, Rusty? 36 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:18,545 - Okay, I talked to all my fellow kickers, 37 00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,681 and they don't think any "hand touchers" 38 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,749 should be in the Football Hall of Fame. 39 00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:23,917 - I respect that. 40 00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:26,353 Hey, T, what are you doing to help the cause? 41 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,455 - Oh, well, I'm just making a documentary about all of it. 42 00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,624 - But what about a teaser trailer? 43 00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:33,760 Any Smash Mouth song you want, I'll pay for it. 44 00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:35,696 - Well, I suppose I can assemble something, Reggie, 45 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:37,547 but for the last time, "Shrek" owns Smash Mouth. 46 00:01:37,581 --> 00:01:38,932 - Ah! 47 00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:40,767 - ? The fall and rise ? 48 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:45,405 ? Of Reggie Dinkins ? 49 00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:48,241 - Sad news, folks-legendary sportswriter Tom Branose 50 00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:49,893 passed away during the commercial break. 51 00:01:49,926 --> 00:01:51,578 But he died doing what he loved- 52 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,772 shouting on television about how he was being silenced. 53 00:01:53,839 --> 00:01:55,716 - Rest in peace, but that guy sucked. 54 00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:57,584 He said he'd never vote for you 55 00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,219 during a Hurricane Katrina fundraiser. 56 00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:00,620 - Branose was one 57 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:03,582 of the New York-area voters, which means... 58 00:02:03,615 --> 00:02:05,826 - There'll be an opening on the selection committee. 59 00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,594 - You've never gotten a single vote 60 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,663 from these people in 15 years. - Neither have you, Monica. 61 00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,957 - But an open seat on that committee is an opportunity. 62 00:02:12,024 --> 00:02:13,291 It's like the Supreme Court. 63 00:02:13,358 --> 00:02:15,002 - Or Wu-Tang. - Or musical chairs. 64 00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:16,970 Do you need more examples, Monica? 65 00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:19,765 - What if Branose's replacement is more open-minded? 66 00:02:19,798 --> 00:02:21,975 That could mean an actual vote for you. 67 00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,744 - But how do people get on the committee? 68 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,705 Okay, they told me, but it was boring. 69 00:02:26,805 --> 00:02:29,516 So I'ma tell you while doing ASMR. 70 00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:31,451 [whispering] The selection committee 71 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:34,654 is made up of players, coaches, and sportswriters 72 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:37,491 from every city with an NFL team, 73 00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:40,594 as well as 17 at-large delegates. 74 00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:42,796 [normal voice] Now, to get to a product 75 00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,599 I have been waiting to share with you- 76 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:48,368 Takis has partnered with Tampax. 77 00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:50,462 - I've been embedded with the Dinkinses for months now, 78 00:02:50,495 --> 00:02:52,164 so there's thousands of hours of footage 79 00:02:52,230 --> 00:02:53,940 from which to cut a trailer. 80 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,842 - There's a reason why I haven't been talking 81 00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:57,335 about my pops. 82 00:02:57,402 --> 00:03:00,514 - Have you been using my prescription shampoo? 83 00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:02,783 I guess it's just been using itself, then. 84 00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,651 Thanks, gang. Mystery solved. 85 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:08,146 Okay, obviously not that. 86 00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:09,823 - Let's see the back. 87 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:12,225 Okay, keeping it tight. - Ah, trying. 88 00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:14,227 [sighs] 89 00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:16,963 Now, look, you all stay. I want this on tape. 90 00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:18,865 Nope. 91 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:21,702 - ? If you wanna hug me ? - ? Better say you love me ? 92 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:24,337 both: ? With a little kiss or two ? 93 00:03:24,404 --> 00:03:27,099 - ? Yow! ? 94 00:03:27,199 --> 00:03:28,667 Yeah, yeah, go, go, go. 95 00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:31,495 Oh, um, uh, they spit into my mouth at a BAFTAs after-party. 96 00:03:31,528 --> 00:03:33,480 - Gary Oldman. - No, no, no, the other one. 97 00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:35,215 - Oh, Olivia Colman. 98 00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:38,218 [all cheering] 99 00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:41,288 - Yeah, ha ha! 100 00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:43,790 - It's all about me. 101 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,093 I worked so hard to embed myself, I went too far. 102 00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:48,595 For God's sake, I'm filming myself right now. 103 00:03:48,695 --> 00:03:52,732 I know I'm being compelling, but I have to stop filming. 104 00:03:55,227 --> 00:03:56,895 - Sources are telling "Sports Shouting!" 105 00:03:56,962 --> 00:03:59,072 that former Jets coach Duck Donovan 106 00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:01,633 has been tapped to join the NFL selection committee. 107 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:04,136 Gentlemen and a lady, let's shout about that. 108 00:04:04,236 --> 00:04:06,204 [overlapping shouting] 109 00:04:06,238 --> 00:04:08,281 - DeQuarius Donovan hates you. 110 00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:10,050 - That's not what Duck is short for. 111 00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:11,785 - That's the least of our problems, Monica. 112 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,854 - Why would they even pick him? - For real. 113 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,222 - His LinkedIn says 114 00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:17,858 he's a referee at a singles flag-football league. 115 00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:19,718 - Now, if I was a betting man- 116 00:04:19,751 --> 00:04:22,462 and I am, it's a problem, I live in a hotel- 117 00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:23,989 I would have let it all ride 118 00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:25,866 on New Jersey's own Jerry Basmati 119 00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,884 being the next committee member. 120 00:04:27,918 --> 00:04:30,904 - They did ask, Brett, but I've got "AM New Jersey," 121 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:34,641 my QVC show selling phone cases and waffle makers, 122 00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:36,835 plus my men's retreat upstate, 123 00:04:36,935 --> 00:04:39,045 where fellas can regain their masculinity 124 00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,648 by making phone cases and waffle makers. 125 00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:43,984 - It helped me a lot after my third or fourth divorce. 126 00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:45,485 - So I called the committee, 127 00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:49,389 and I put my full weight behind Duckery Donovan. 128 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,024 - [scoffs] I was close. 129 00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:54,561 - He and I see eye to eye on who should be in the Hall... 130 00:04:54,594 --> 00:04:57,164 and who definitely should not. 131 00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:58,765 - Basmati! 132 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:02,636 - I'm so mad and also now want waffles! 133 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:07,057 . 134 00:05:07,199 --> 00:05:10,368 - This is bad. Jerry Basmati got Reggie's old coach 135 00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:12,971 to be a Hall of Fame voter, and he hates Reggie. 136 00:05:13,071 --> 00:05:14,781 - Could you do that somewhere else? 137 00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:18,285 - Oh, I'm sorry that my sister cares about your life. 138 00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:20,654 I'm sorry about him, girl. 139 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,756 - She's not wrong about Coach, Reg. 140 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:26,359 - I loved John Proctor as the villain... 141 00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:31,398 as much as I hate Reggie [long bleep] Dinkins. 142 00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:33,767 - Look, this doesn't have to change our plan. 143 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,670 If Donovan's a voter, we just find a way to convince him. 144 00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:38,597 Sometimes Hail Marys get caught. 145 00:05:38,663 --> 00:05:39,873 - I don't know, Monica. 146 00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:41,591 You ain't see Duck when he came over here. 147 00:05:41,658 --> 00:05:43,301 You know when white guys get mad 148 00:05:43,401 --> 00:05:45,745 and they face turn red and their neck is, like, purple 149 00:05:45,812 --> 00:05:47,464 and it makes you ask yourself, 150 00:05:47,497 --> 00:05:48,807 what color is they penis right now? 151 00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,352 Arthur was there. He'll tell you. 152 00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:53,778 Arthur! 153 00:05:53,845 --> 00:05:56,122 Don't leave me hanging out, dog! 154 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,250 We talked about this! 155 00:05:58,316 --> 00:05:59,776 - Where is Mr. Tobin? 156 00:06:01,286 --> 00:06:03,597 - What the hell are you doing? 157 00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:06,283 - Oh, boy, yeah. He gonna kill us, Brina. 158 00:06:06,349 --> 00:06:07,968 You know white boys always snap. 159 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,270 I'ma be sad to be dead, 160 00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:12,030 but I'ma be happy to be right. 161 00:06:12,130 --> 00:06:13,965 - [scoffs] 162 00:06:14,032 --> 00:06:15,675 It has become clear to me 163 00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,878 that I have inadvertently centered myself 164 00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:19,346 in the narrative. 165 00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:22,616 From now on, I'm just going to... 166 00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:23,817 disappear. 167 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,553 - Okay. I'm gonna let God handle that. 168 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:29,256 How the hell am I supposed to convince a man 169 00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:31,474 who blames me for ruining his life 170 00:06:31,541 --> 00:06:33,318 to vote for me? 171 00:06:33,385 --> 00:06:34,995 - I might have an idea. 172 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,513 - Hey, guys. 173 00:06:36,546 --> 00:06:38,465 Since Arthur Tobin isn't around, 174 00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:41,559 you wanna talk about him behind his back? 175 00:06:41,626 --> 00:06:43,853 I really like him. 176 00:06:43,887 --> 00:06:46,439 - My dad is obsessed with the Hall of Fame. 177 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:48,041 You know every year on my birthday 178 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,309 he asks to borrow my wish? 179 00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,077 He promises he's good for it, but... 180 00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:52,746 - That must be hard on you. 181 00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:54,205 [clears throat] 182 00:06:54,306 --> 00:06:57,909 Do you think that's why you've been acting out lately? 183 00:06:57,976 --> 00:07:00,053 - I-I-I don't know what you're talking about. 184 00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:01,513 - No? 185 00:07:01,579 --> 00:07:03,256 So I was reviewing footage the other night, 186 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:04,758 and I-I came across this. 187 00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:13,350 - Good night, Mr. Cameraman. 188 00:07:13,416 --> 00:07:15,936 - After everyone is to bed, you sneak out. 189 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,390 [door slams] - Shh. 190 00:07:20,423 --> 00:07:22,942 - Hours later, you return as tipsy as the patrons 191 00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:26,212 in the club described by Shaboozey. 192 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,415 - It-it-it was only that one night. 193 00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:30,684 I mean, my a capella group made regionals, 194 00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:33,887 and Dinesh stole a bottle of ros� from his mom. 195 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:37,958 Mr. Tobin, please don't show my parents. 196 00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:39,584 But... 197 00:07:39,684 --> 00:07:42,579 you actually can't, can you? 198 00:07:42,612 --> 00:07:45,799 I mean, you said you weren't getting involved anymore. 199 00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:48,668 - Well, of course, there is part of me that wants to. 200 00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:49,703 You are underage. 201 00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,004 Although in England, 202 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,739 you can drink at home starting at age five. 203 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,107 That's true. 204 00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:55,533 [clears throat] 205 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,545 Um, but, look, as an objective observer, 206 00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:00,814 no, I-I would never use any of this 207 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,316 unless it somehow became the story. 208 00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:04,776 - Uh, so, just to clarify, 209 00:08:04,876 --> 00:08:06,478 you're not gonna tell my parents? 210 00:08:06,544 --> 00:08:08,822 - I cannot. - Cool, bye. 211 00:08:12,083 --> 00:08:14,753 [indistinct chatter, laughter] 212 00:08:14,819 --> 00:08:17,397 - Hey, Coach! 213 00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:18,732 - Dinkins. 214 00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:21,534 Wow, Dinkins. What are you doing here? 215 00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:23,570 Wouldn't have anything to do with me getting 216 00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:25,230 on the selection committee, would it? 217 00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:27,073 Because you know there's no way I'm voting for you. 218 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,441 You ruined my life. 219 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,944 - And that's exactly why you should vote for him. 220 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,805 Think about it-the two of you were one game away 221 00:08:33,905 --> 00:08:35,248 from winning the Super Bowl. 222 00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:37,308 But after Reggie got kicked out of the league, 223 00:08:37,409 --> 00:08:39,344 the team imploded, and so did you. 224 00:08:39,444 --> 00:08:40,854 You lost your job, your wife. 225 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,822 - Your "Golden Bachelor" audition went viral, 226 00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:44,290 and it was sad. 227 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,993 - My ex knew all the passwords. 228 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,854 I can't figure out how to reset them, so... 229 00:08:49,921 --> 00:08:51,965 that's what I'm looking for. 230 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,967 How is any of this supposed to make me 231 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,485 want to vote for you? 232 00:08:55,518 --> 00:08:57,487 - 'Cause either I was so good at football 233 00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,139 that me not playing for the Jets 234 00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:01,975 is the only reason why your life blew up. 235 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:05,211 - Or Reggie wasn't a Hall of Fame-caliber talent, 236 00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:07,664 and this is all your fault. 237 00:09:07,697 --> 00:09:10,483 - Donovan, we gotta start the game. 238 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,519 We lose the field in an hour. - Yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry. 239 00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:14,479 I'll be-I'll be right there, sir. 240 00:09:14,546 --> 00:09:16,556 - Un-frickin'-believable. 241 00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:22,629 - You know, I have always blamed you for everything. 242 00:09:22,695 --> 00:09:24,789 I mean, I'm not about to blame my own drinking, 243 00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:28,034 my own infidelity, or how I spent all my savings 244 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,170 trying to reverse my circumcision. 245 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,372 - Nope, it was all my fault, all of it. 246 00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:35,408 - It has nothing to do with you. 247 00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:37,343 - Yeah. 248 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:41,848 Yeah, because Dinkins is just that good 249 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,084 at football. 250 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:47,020 All right, you got my vote. 251 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,521 - Oh, my God, Reggie. 252 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,323 You're gonna get a vote for the Hall. 253 00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:51,658 - Oh, I'm not stopping there. 254 00:09:51,724 --> 00:09:53,351 I'm gonna fight for you in the room. 255 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,495 I am gonna get you in the Hall. 256 00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:56,663 And then the whole world will know- 257 00:09:56,729 --> 00:09:58,590 - It was all my fault. - Your fault. 258 00:09:58,690 --> 00:10:00,592 - Donovan! 259 00:10:00,692 --> 00:10:03,186 - You got all that, right? His fault. 260 00:10:07,590 --> 00:10:07,732 . 261 00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:09,843 - Whoo! Hey. - Things are looking up, y'all. 262 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,936 - And if history has taught us anything, 263 00:10:12,036 --> 00:10:14,581 it's that the vote of old white men can change the world. 264 00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:16,049 Ha ha. 265 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:19,777 [cell phone ringing] [sighs] 266 00:10:19,878 --> 00:10:22,046 [cell phone whooshes] Hey, Jer Bear. 267 00:10:22,113 --> 00:10:24,257 - You don't nickname me. I nickname you, 268 00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,092 Reggie...Stupid. 269 00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:27,794 Look, man, I don't got time for this. 270 00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,128 In 30 seconds, 271 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:31,422 I'm interviewing a lizard that dialed 911. 272 00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:34,392 I spoke to your new best friend, Duck Donovan. 273 00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:35,735 - Oh, really? 274 00:10:35,768 --> 00:10:38,596 Which reminds me, how's our ass taste? 275 00:10:38,630 --> 00:10:40,940 - Ha ha! - Real bad. 276 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:44,878 But not for long, 'cause you done poked the wrong Jer Bear. 277 00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:46,446 That's right. I'm owning it now. 278 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,473 - When he's not eating crickets, 279 00:10:48,573 --> 00:10:51,618 one local lizard is stopping bicycle thieves. 280 00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:53,086 - This isn't over, you son of a bitch. 281 00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:56,214 I-guana talk to that little guy. 282 00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:58,625 [laughter] 283 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,594 [machine rattles, beeps] 284 00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,329 - Machine does 10s. 285 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,498 [tires screech] 286 00:11:08,593 --> 00:11:11,170 - Hey, there, friend. - "Friend"? Well, okay. 287 00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,172 - How would you like to go for a van ride? 288 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,674 We got sandwiches. 289 00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:19,112 - What kind of sandwiches? - All kinds of sandwiches. 290 00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,097 [tires squeal] 291 00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:32,025 - Oh. What's up, Arthur? 292 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:34,027 - No. Ignore me. - Oh, that's right. 293 00:11:34,093 --> 00:11:36,946 You're-you're not here. [chuckles] 294 00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:41,301 [machine chimes] Oh, no. 295 00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,970 I left a hard-boiled egg in my shorts. 296 00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:45,305 Sorry, buddy. 297 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:48,199 I'm coming to save and eat you. 298 00:11:48,266 --> 00:11:49,642 Oh, that's really in there. 299 00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:51,644 Ah! Uh-oh. Oh, boy. 300 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:54,547 Okay, Arthur? Arthur, can you help me? 301 00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:56,449 Whoa! [water running] 302 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:59,619 Oh, no! My body completed the seal! 303 00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:02,280 [machine whirring] Oh, the cycle is starting! 304 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:04,624 Arthur, help! Arthur! 305 00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:06,826 - Now, Mr. Donovan, what sold you 306 00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:09,320 on Basmati Ministries men's retreat? 307 00:12:09,387 --> 00:12:10,863 Was it the sandwiches? 308 00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:12,131 [all chuckling] 309 00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,392 - Oh, look, yeah, I-I was skeptical at first. 310 00:12:14,459 --> 00:12:16,069 But as the faith counselors 311 00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:19,530 at Jerry Basmati's annual 12-month masculinity retreat 312 00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:20,707 explained to me, 313 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,001 I am in need of a kind of structure 314 00:12:23,067 --> 00:12:24,844 that no committee could provide. 315 00:12:24,877 --> 00:12:26,746 - Well, good for you, Duckery. 316 00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:28,915 - He's out? - You've gotta be kidding me. 317 00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:31,451 - I was craving the community and sense of purpose 318 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,519 that only comes with assembling 319 00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:35,321 and shipping waffle makers. 320 00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:37,657 - I'm glad you're having fun, 321 00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:39,459 but that just means one more job 322 00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:42,228 for my poor work husband here. - [growls] 323 00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:44,530 - [giggles] Sexless, just like my real marriage, 324 00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,065 'cause with this schedule- 325 00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:47,266 when, Ron? When? 326 00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,102 - You gotta make time, Kaylie. 327 00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:50,937 And I will be making time 328 00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:52,772 to step up as the newest member 329 00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:56,342 of the Pro Football Hall of Fame selection committee. 330 00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:57,910 - You-guana be on that committee. 331 00:12:58,011 --> 00:12:59,779 - That's not an ongoing thing, Kaylie. 332 00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:01,748 That was just for that one lizard story. 333 00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:03,016 - Okay, uh, okay. 334 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:06,244 This is a setback, but I know exactly what to do. 335 00:13:06,277 --> 00:13:08,921 Yep, I got this. 336 00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,290 Okay. 337 00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:13,059 I thought if I kept talking, an idea would come to me, 338 00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:16,095 but maybe if I keep saying words- 339 00:13:16,195 --> 00:13:18,189 - This can't be game over. 340 00:13:18,256 --> 00:13:20,533 It's overtime! We gotta do more stuff! 341 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,360 - Help, someone help! 342 00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:25,038 Hurry! Help! 343 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,273 - My Rusty! 344 00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:28,975 - Oh, God, again? 345 00:13:30,877 --> 00:13:33,479 - He was just standing there like a psycho. 346 00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,581 - What the hell, Arthur? Why didn't you help? 347 00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,050 - You think I didn't want to? 348 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,485 I've told you- I cannot get involved. 349 00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:42,055 There have to be boundaries. - "Boundaries"? 350 00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:44,324 Arthur, there are no boundaries here. 351 00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:47,293 Rusty was in the delivery room when Carmelo was born. 352 00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:48,820 - Okay, I didn't wanna be. 353 00:13:48,886 --> 00:13:50,863 Reggie said he deserved a partner there too. 354 00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:52,724 - And how many times have you seen me in the shower? 355 00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,892 - If you stopped FaceTiming me from in there, it'd be less. 356 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,394 - It just is what it is. 357 00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:58,438 I mean, I still represent my ex-husband. 358 00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:00,540 - And I'm friends with my fianc�'s ex-wife. 359 00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:02,075 I might be her only friend. 360 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:05,111 - Guys, Mr. Tobin is a great filmmaker. 361 00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:06,813 And part of what makes him great 362 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,148 is that he never gets involved. 363 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,942 Ever, right? 364 00:14:11,008 --> 00:14:14,645 - The point is, this family is like using a public bathroom 365 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:15,955 while wearing a jumpsuit. 366 00:14:16,055 --> 00:14:17,256 It's chaos. It's messy. 367 00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:19,292 It could be a disaster at any moment. 368 00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:21,194 But in the end, it's worth it, 369 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,496 because I look good in a jumpsuit. 370 00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:25,356 - We are a beautiful mess. 371 00:14:25,456 --> 00:14:28,267 And like it or not, your mess is a part of it. 372 00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,937 - That is the problem, Reggie. I am a part of it. 373 00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:34,173 And I don't want my personal life to ruin another project. 374 00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:36,834 And it's already gone too far. I mean, I- 375 00:14:36,868 --> 00:14:38,144 I love you guys. 376 00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:41,038 How could I ever stay objective? 377 00:14:41,139 --> 00:14:44,801 [grunting] 378 00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:51,324 I'm sorry. 379 00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,059 This is how it has to be. 380 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,428 - We have marital bed 381 00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:56,888 this afternoon. - Mm-hmm. 382 00:14:56,954 --> 00:14:58,631 - But, first, you're doing a ribbon cutting 383 00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,666 at that new flat-Earth planetarium. 384 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:01,901 - Oh, okay. - Jerry! 385 00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:05,571 - Well, well... 386 00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:08,074 - One more, baby. - Well. 387 00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:11,077 I guess you heard the news. - Yeah, not cool, Basmati. 388 00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:13,980 You took advantage of Duck's sad-ass life. 389 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,215 - No, I gave him a fresh start. 390 00:15:16,315 --> 00:15:18,851 You're the one that tricked him into supporting you. 391 00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,244 You think I'd let that stand? 392 00:15:20,311 --> 00:15:23,581 No, it's gonna sit. - Sit all the way down. 393 00:15:23,648 --> 00:15:25,458 - Look, Jerry, I know you hate me. 394 00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:26,884 Rivals gotta hate. 395 00:15:26,918 --> 00:15:29,562 But that's the reason why you should vote for me. 396 00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:31,255 - There's no Magic without Bird, 397 00:15:31,355 --> 00:15:33,299 no Ali without Foreman, no Seabiscuit without... 398 00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,259 both: Jazzy Joe, the horse. - We get it, man. 399 00:15:35,326 --> 00:15:36,936 Did you really come all the way here 400 00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:39,263 to try to change my mind about you? 401 00:15:39,363 --> 00:15:42,066 I'm not some broken old dude you can just throw in a van. 402 00:15:42,099 --> 00:15:43,309 I can't believe you thought that would work on me. 403 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:44,377 - I can't believe it either. 404 00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,612 Jerry and I can't believe the same stuff, 405 00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:48,047 and that's why our marriage works. 406 00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:50,708 - Being rivals doesn't make me respect you, Dinkins. 407 00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:54,954 I hate being mentioned in the same breath as you... 408 00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:56,589 because you're a bad person. 409 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:59,225 - Yeah, gambling is a sin, right? 410 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:01,285 But only if you play sports? - Come on. 411 00:16:01,385 --> 00:16:03,955 I was young and dumb, and I only bet on myself. 412 00:16:04,021 --> 00:16:05,464 - You are an embarrassment. 413 00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:07,959 And that's why I'm gonna make sure 414 00:16:08,059 --> 00:16:11,137 you never get into the Hall of Fame. 415 00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:14,440 Oh, and don't try to use this footage 'cause clearly it's AI. 416 00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:17,401 - Oh, yeah, y'all AI'd us. 417 00:16:17,468 --> 00:16:19,979 [both vocalizing goofily] 418 00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:21,739 - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 419 00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,249 You are the bad person. 420 00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:25,476 Reggie Dinkins is a good person. 421 00:16:25,576 --> 00:16:27,854 He is the type of man who, when you fall asleep in front 422 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,022 of the TV, you wake up with a blanket over you, 423 00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:31,724 a glass of water on the coffee table, 424 00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:33,751 and your teeth are brushed. - Hold up, what- 425 00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:35,553 - He came here today to give you a chance 426 00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,096 to do the right thing. 427 00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:40,333 But now I see why you could never stop Reggie on the field. 428 00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:42,101 'Cause you're weak, Jerry, 429 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,437 like a little baby sucking on your daddy's fingers, 430 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,430 too stupid to know there's no milk gonna come out of there. 431 00:16:46,497 --> 00:16:48,107 You don't even have the strength 432 00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:50,343 to change your own mind, let alone anybody else's. 433 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,169 - He changes my mind all the time- 434 00:16:52,236 --> 00:16:54,138 who I vote for, what I'm ordering. 435 00:16:54,171 --> 00:16:55,673 I was Jewish when we met. 436 00:16:55,740 --> 00:16:57,183 - What are you even talking about, 437 00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:59,110 you Elijah Wood-looking-ass bitch? 438 00:16:59,176 --> 00:17:01,153 - First of all, he looks like me, okay? 439 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,122 I'm three days older. 440 00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:05,091 And they thought that if they changed your mind, 441 00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,959 you'd do what Duck was gonna try and do 442 00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:08,261 and sway the whole committee. 443 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,296 But you, sir, couldn't sway a palm tree 444 00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:12,131 if you were the breeze. 445 00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:14,450 [blowing air] 446 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,129 - I can't believe him. 447 00:17:18,195 --> 00:17:20,531 You also can't believe him, right, baby? 448 00:17:20,598 --> 00:17:22,667 We both can't believe? Baby! 449 00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:26,379 . 450 00:17:26,604 --> 00:17:29,382 - You coming, Arthur? - Uh, no. 451 00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:30,716 But, look, I can recommend 452 00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:32,652 some excellent directors to replace me. 453 00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:34,045 Now that PBS is gone, 454 00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:36,013 Ken Burns is just doing quincea�era videos, so... 455 00:17:36,047 --> 00:17:37,857 - Dude, just because you're in the movie, 456 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,392 doesn't mean it's bad. 457 00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:41,185 It's just different. 458 00:17:41,218 --> 00:17:43,387 - Like when they didn't wanna give Beyonc� a country award, 459 00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:45,364 they didn't cancel the Grammys. 460 00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:47,358 Those crackers just made up a whole new category. 461 00:17:47,391 --> 00:17:48,634 - You don't understand. 462 00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:51,037 I have always made observational documentaries. 463 00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:53,506 And, well, this film isn't that. 464 00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:56,342 It is participatory, clearly. 465 00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:57,543 And it's reflexive, 466 00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,478 because we're talking about it on camera. 467 00:17:59,545 --> 00:18:01,614 - So it's something else altogether-like Sunny D. 468 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:05,184 It's orange, and it's juice, but it's not orange juice. 469 00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:07,386 It's some third other thing. What is it? 470 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,590 - I have no idea what Sunny D or this film is. 471 00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:12,358 - Because it's new. 472 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:16,228 It's a Tobin-umentary. 473 00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:18,689 - Monica. 474 00:18:18,756 --> 00:18:20,399 No. 475 00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:24,704 I doubt anyone will call it that... 476 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:28,274 or teach it in a film school... 477 00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:30,643 or eventually name an Independent Spirit Award 478 00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:32,044 after me. 479 00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:34,872 No, no, no, no, one-one step at a time, guys. 480 00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:37,283 One step at a time. [laughter] 481 00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:39,986 - I did like watching you go at Jerry Basmati like that. 482 00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,912 - I was a little afraid he was gonna rip you in half. 483 00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:43,622 - Yes, in half, I had the same thought. 484 00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:49,628 - [knocks on wall] Mr. Tobin... 485 00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:51,197 so now that you're doing the, uh... 486 00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:53,065 - Tobin-umentary, yes- well, I hear 487 00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:54,934 that's what they're calling it. - Okay. 488 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,268 I just wanted to make sure that 489 00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,729 you still weren't gonna tell my parents about the... 490 00:18:58,796 --> 00:19:00,306 - Carmelo, as a documentarian, 491 00:19:00,406 --> 00:19:02,099 I think I've made it clear I cannot. 492 00:19:02,133 --> 00:19:03,309 - Okay, cool. 493 00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:05,878 - But as this new hybrid filmmaker, 494 00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:07,947 older brother, uncle, friend of your parents 495 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,474 who cares about you and the choices you make... 496 00:19:10,574 --> 00:19:12,810 - You're in big trouble, boy. 497 00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:15,454 - When we heard what Carmelo had done... 498 00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:17,490 we were so relieved. - [chuckles] 499 00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:18,983 Thrilled, actually. 500 00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,618 - He's always been a great kid. 501 00:19:20,651 --> 00:19:22,395 - Too great. He's never been in trouble. 502 00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:23,963 - And those kids end up weird. 503 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,664 - Like bird-owner weird. 504 00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:28,734 - And I did not wanna have to step-mom a nerd. 505 00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:31,070 What am I gonna do at a science fair? 506 00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:34,774 - But now we have to punish him for the first time ever. 507 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,109 So how do we do that? 508 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:40,104 - Young man, you go to your-your room? 509 00:19:40,171 --> 00:19:43,140 - Yes, and, also, we're going to take away your- 510 00:19:43,174 --> 00:19:44,517 - Not my Switch. 511 00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:46,752 - Yes, your Switch. 512 00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:48,587 - Now, you think about that the next time 513 00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:50,781 you wanna make mischief and memories 514 00:19:50,848 --> 00:19:53,275 like a normal teenager! 515 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,996 both: Pow. [doorbell rings] 516 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,130 [door opens] 517 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,316 - Hey Dinkins, you got company. 518 00:20:00,349 --> 00:20:01,817 - Oh, God, why? 519 00:20:01,851 --> 00:20:03,669 - My house has more chandeliers. 520 00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:04,987 - Come on, now, Jerry. 521 00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:06,989 What else do you have to say to me? 522 00:20:07,022 --> 00:20:08,974 - Nothing. I came to say something to him. 523 00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:10,710 That little reverse "Blind Side" said 524 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:13,379 I couldn't change anyone's mind, like I didn't matter. 525 00:20:13,512 --> 00:20:15,181 Well, I took that personally. 526 00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:18,184 - What are you doing? You already said this stuff. 527 00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:19,518 Get out of here. 528 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,153 - Well, I took that personally. 529 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:24,840 And Jerry Basmati can do anything I put my mind to. 530 00:20:24,874 --> 00:20:26,559 - You can't refer to yourself in the third 531 00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:28,527 and the first person in the same sentence, man. 532 00:20:28,661 --> 00:20:30,396 - Whether it's winning Super Bowls 533 00:20:30,529 --> 00:20:32,823 or selling my cologne to the troops 534 00:20:32,890 --> 00:20:35,201 or learning Dutch for no reason... 535 00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:38,504 [speaking Dutch] 536 00:20:38,537 --> 00:20:40,189 And I'm gonna prove it to you, 537 00:20:40,222 --> 00:20:42,842 because I can too change minds... 538 00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:44,176 of every single member 539 00:20:44,276 --> 00:20:46,245 of the Hall of Fame selection committee. 540 00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:48,347 - So you gonna get me in the Hall? 541 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:49,682 Damn, okay. 542 00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:53,352 - No, not you. 543 00:20:53,452 --> 00:20:54,987 Him. 544 00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:56,380 - [mouth full] Wait, what? 545 00:20:56,413 --> 00:20:58,023 - That'll drive you crazy, huh- 546 00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:59,592 waking up in a house every day 547 00:20:59,658 --> 00:21:01,752 with someone who's living your dream and it ain't you? 548 00:21:01,852 --> 00:21:03,395 - But I wasn't even very good. 549 00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:04,830 The only time I got on "Top Ten" 550 00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:06,866 was when one of my kicks killed a bird. 551 00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:08,058 - Oh, we'll see, Busty. 552 00:21:08,092 --> 00:21:09,902 - You- - We'll see. 553 00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:12,104 Ah, AI. [chuckles] 554 00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:20,146 [soft music playing on TV] 555 00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:27,286 ? ? 556 00:21:29,822 --> 00:21:32,208 - Good night, everybody. - Good night. 557 00:21:32,258 --> 00:21:36,808 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0